THIS is a LONG rant about MY THOUGHTS on LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS…
feelings: bemused
music: Snowpatrol lalalalovvve them :)
Now this poem I wrote hmm.. a couple months ago.. I had watched a love story and I had thought in my mind. Wow, will I ever get that? And so I decided to try and write a piece on falling in love.
And after I finished I realized mann I don’t really have high hopes for love. HA! Maybe that’s why I stay so far away from anyone that has a slight possibility of hurting me. I mean is that why I try to steer clear of nice great guys and waste time on A-holes? I mean, someone tell me.
Every relationship I hear about is either wonderfuly disgustingly perfect or in shambles. I swear in this generation I can only think of… 3? is that right? Wow, that’s an awfully low number because I have tons of friends in relationships.. but, there is only truly three relationships I know of that I can genuinely say I can’t wait to be with someone and share a relationship like that with. And the one’s that I had been so completely jealous of, after doing careful research or getting to know one side of the parties I realized that their relationship was worse off than the one in shambles. So remember lovers, if they seems perfect or too good to be true RUN! If they seems like a sleaze, cheater, a-hole, b**ch, well RUN faster and farther!!
(I mean don’t get me wrong I am taking out of consideration the relationships less than a year old, because in those relationship you’re still in the honeymoon phase still getting to know one another. And let me tell you buddy if its less than a year and you’re out of that stage than I would either start working on things to bring it back or I would get the hell out and start running as fast as possible.)
But true love? Does true love honestly exist? Someone come right out and tell me PLEASE! Ha! I believe in love, and I believe that once you begin to love someone it’ll never go away. However, the way you love someone can change drastically. You can fall out of love with someone, but you don’t stop loving them. Go ahead say you hate them, detest them, and want them to die. But, I believe the more you hate someone the more it means you absolutely love them. Because you can’t hate someone so strongly that you used to love and have it be pure complete hate. Because then you could just let go and not give a dam about them. But to hold on to that hate, it usually means you’re also holding unto something else.. ok wow tangent?
Back to true love :X I mean, myself? I can honestly say I’ve fallen in love three times, and out of love three times. And each time I fell harder than the first and I felt like I loved that person more and stronger than the last. My heart beat faster, my emotions flowed deeper and I could swear each time that I had never felt anything close to that feeling.. that is until I fell in love with the next guy. But I also fell out of love faster with each one and I grew stronger and more resilient than the last heartbreak. Truth be told, each one broke my heart. Harder than the last, and each one in a completely different way. And with each one I was able to pick myself up faster, and move on quicker. And from each one I learned more about myself and I found better and easier way’s too cope.
With each heartache I grew stronger and found myself finding myself more and more. Each time I grew up farther and became a different person. I took different routes, I made different choices, I tried new things and became more independent. I started listening to my own wants and needs and stopped listening to the people around me.
Some people tried to tell me what to do and what not to do. Those people loved me and hated seeing me upset or sad and wanted to save me from heartache. But, I realized I needed to go through it. I needed to feel these different types of pain so that I can learn how to be more resilient and the different ways in which I can pick up the pieces of my heart and put it back together. And in doing so, I found new pieces and although my heart was no longer made up of the innocent perfect barely scathed heart. My heart instead had grown and changed and is now bandaged, banged up, sewn together, scarred, and bigger than ever because of all the extra pieces I had found. Its a little warrior, my little warrior, beating harder and stronger than ever. It knows when to get the hell out and leave and what its willing to take and the SH** its not willing to allow.
So TRUE Love? Does it exist? With finicky picky people. When there’s so many people who’ve gotten their hearts broken and are just out for revenge or even for some who are too afraid to let anyone anywhere near it. I just don’t know. Love, exist O you better believe it does. But true love? We fall so in and out of it so quickly that it’s hard to argue that it exists and that somewhere out there your ‘soulmate’ exists. I mean soulmate, lets be honest. When you fall in love you’ll always believe that person is the one and you put on a pair of blinders and it’s so difficult for you to see straight that you mislook all of the reasons why that person may not be the one. Or your blinders only allow you to see the person of whom they used to be or the way they used to treat you or the person you’re trying to make them become. That you keep searching for that person and so much time passes by, that by the time you truly see the person in front of you for who they’re often they’re not the person you fell in love with. And for many people that is the hardest thing to see, and that’s why it’s so hard for them to either leave or fix their relationship because they’re so lost in trying to find that other person that they no longer can see the person in front of them. And some people, they just don’t see it even when its staring them straight in the face it’s just easier to do what’s well easy. Then to do something that’s hard and scary. And love? Well I think I’d rather play with my puppies..
So for me? I’ve decided to never fall in love :) besides like I said I date A-holes and who wants to fall in love with one of those guys.
I decided this whole blog already depicts my poem.. So I don’t think I need to share it anymore! HA!
